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Can You Feel The Love Tonight?!

Piggy Problem Parlour again and this time whee are advising on the matter of lurve! 😉

Hello Handsome Boarpigs.

I have a problem and I hope you can help me out.

You see I am completely in love with a gorgeous agouti boarpig, but I am too scared to talk to him and tell him that I do. I have struggled with confidence talking to boarpigs all my life, although I am verreh chatteh to hoomans. It is mainly because of my size – my hoomans feed me way too much and when Poppy, my sister, leaves some of her food because she is full, I can’t help myself and eat her leftovers too. I am nothing but a ‘big fat chubba wubba’.[?]It makes me feel like if I try to tell the handsome boarpig about how I feel, he will just laugh at me and tell me I am too fat to be a bootiful ladypig.

Poppy, my sister, has a perfect mini-pig body and great confidence with
boarpigs and I am sosososo jealous of her. Please tell me how I can improve
my confidence so I can talk to the gorgeous boarpig.

Clover
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Dear Clover,

As an agouti cutie myself I felt that I, Nutty Nutkin, should advise you. I know that love matters are usually more Buddy’s business but he is being a busy piggy. As I know whee have said before whee loves the bigger pigger. I personally prefer the larger ladypig. It proves they appreciate their noms!

Every well fed piggy knows a nice meal sits on your stomach. A little chub looks good on any piggy. There is no need to worry. A good and worthy boarpig will appreciate you for who you are.

To improve your confidence you should name five things that you love about yourself. Then maybe try talking to this boarpig you fancy. If you cannot speak to him face to face you could try sending a letter anonymously sharing your feelings. Then you could find out how he reacted. You could even enlist Poppy’s help with this.

Just remember; no body is perfect and Poppy probably has fears and insecurities as well.

If anyone else has advice for Clover please comment.

Nutty
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How To Handle A Hooman!

So our latest problem whee are advising on in our Piggy Problem Parlour is about the difficult and often controFURsual subject of hooman training.

Wheeks to Nibbles, Nutty, Bingo and Buddy!

I have a slave that has a very annoying habbit she gets me out for cuddles which of course i do not mind as i get to snuggle up and have a well deserved nap but when she starts stroking me she always finds my tickely spot! I can be laid there being all nice and quiet and then all of a sudden she tickles me i can’t help but start squeaking and jumping! She finds it very funny and says i’m cute (which of course i am ;)) but its so very annoying. She finds it that funny she does it on purpose sometimes. Do you have any tips on how i can keep my slave in line? She’s usually a very good slave but if we could just make her understand we do not like to be tickled that would be great. My brother Bruce isn’t very sympathetic either he finds it funny too and often tells me to stop being a baby, if only he was ticklish too then he’d understand! Please guys help me stop my slave tickling me!!

Joey xx

Dear Joey,

When it comes to hooman handling look no further than No-Nonsense Nutty. I have our Mummy wrapped around my little paw! *restrains mildly evil laughter*

The important thing is to never give them praise, cuddles or adorable looks until they have done exactly what you wanted. Take today for example. Mummy was running late with the veggies. She strolls in perfectly relaxed and I demand to know what she is doing. She reaches into my cage, and has the cheek to request a snuggle! I think not. Of course I dodged her incoming hands and put my paws on the empty veggie bowl while squeaking loudly. The look on her face said she was going to protest but I wasn’t having any of it. I stomped one paw for emphasis and she sighed and went off to get the veggies. When they arrived I licked her hand and showed her my cutest piggy lip smile.

So I rewarded good behaviour and refused to acknowledge the bad. With your hooman you must withhold pigture oppotunities and cuteness until your hooman learns how to behave. It may take awhile as hoomans can be foolish, stubborn and rather dense but they do get it eventually.

Does anyone else have hooman handling tips for Joey?

Nutty
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